4 Things That Are Saving Me in 2025

At the midpoint of winter, these four things are keeping me afloat when life gets tough.

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It seems fitting that my return to this space, four months after an unplanned hiatus, is a reflection on the things that are getting me through.

While not my typical bookish post, this annual prompt from Modern Mrs. Darcy to share the things that are getting us through, at the midpoint of winter, has always piqued my interest—even when I haven’t participated.

This year, the things that came up for me are especially meaningful, as the past few months have been heavy with personal challenges, burnout, and a lot of stress and anxiety.

A small crocheted dumpster with a flame coming out the top, holding a sign that reads Emotional Support Dumpster Fire. It's fine. I'm fine, Everything is fine.

While it hasn’t been easy, the things on my list—both small and large—have helped me come out of this time feeling strong, fairly confident, and well-regulated (though, of course, it’s always a work in progress, and progress isn’t always linear). 

The challenges aren’t over, and things may even get harder. I can’t say what the future will bring or that I won’t get anxious, stressed, or burned out again. But knowing what to lean into, what to put to the side, and how to figure out what I need have been key to making it through this round and will help with any future ones that come up. 

I hope some of the things that are saving me might be useful for you as well.

1. Friends, Old and New

This past year has been filled with friendship. As an extreme introvert who works from home and often prefers staying quiet over talking, I don’t say this lightly, nor did it come easy.

As things got harder, I realized how much I needed my friends. Against all my inclinations (who needs MORE to do when things already feel hard?), I made a conscious effort to put in the work to make it happen.

I accepted and extended invitations even when I wanted to stay home, and I never regretted doing so. These were with “new” friends, who live close by. We are connected to the daily minutia of each other’s lives, and that immediate support truly felt like we were “boots on the ground” for each other.

I included visits with old, lifelong friends in travel plans, even when it wasn’t convenient or easy to pull off. No matter how long we’ve been apart, we pick up right where we’ve left off.

I even reached out to an old friend I hadn’t seen in decades, unsure if the door would be open for friendship. It was, and that connection has brought immeasurable joy, laughter, and comfort as we reminisce and get to know one another as adults.

In all cases, just the act of showing up has brought new levels of closeness and mutual support, both of which have been tremendous sources of respite and relief in difficult times.

It’s also a reminder that life doesn’t have to be all struggle, all the time. While there have been many vent sessions, confidences shared, and sometimes even tears shed, there has also been a lot of laughter, appreciation, and silliness. All of it feels like exactly what we need.

Friendship may seem like a cliched thing to write about here, but it’s also one of the first things we put to the side as adults when things get hard. It’s also easy to feel “connected” to friends when we see their social media updates, but when was the last time you saw them in person? Or spoke on the phone?

Even if it feels hard and you just want to stay home and hide away: call your friends.

2. Water

I am, and always have been, a water person. I grew up near many ponds, lakes, and rivers. I spent my childhood and teen years swimming competitively. I rowed crew in college.

But now I live in an area that’s more desert than wetland, and time on and in the water had fallen away, without my even realizing it.

This past year, I took up paddle boarding. From the first moment I got on my friend’s board, I felt home. I quickly bought my own and spent many late summer and fall days on the water—despite the dry climate, I’m lucky to live near a large reservoir.

I went before work and after work. I went on the weekends. I went alone, and I went with friends.

In the mornings, I enjoyed calm and peaceful waters. In the afternoons, I battled boat wakes, wind, and rougher waters.

Some days, I pushed myself and paddled long and hard. Others, I tucked away in a cove, laid on my board, and read a book on my Kindle.

And each time, I felt better able to breathe. While paddling hasn’t been an option during some of my tough recent months, I’m holding onto the promise of time on the water in the spring and summer.

(In the meantime, I’m trying to look at the water as much as I can; studies have found that just “gazing at bodies of water can help lower your heart rate, blood pressure and increase feelings of relaxation.” (source)

This spring, I also hope to refresh my skills and join our local rowing club for more opportunities to be on the water. I can’t wait for the sore muscles, ripped palms, and peaceful mornings slipping across the water.

3. Writing by Hand

I am not the most naturally organized person. Productivity systems often fall by the wayside, and I tend to depend too heavily on my own memory of what needs to be done.

As we all now know, this mental load takes its toll.

But I have gotten better about physically writing things down as they occur to me. These are often messy notes, all mixed in one single notebook that I now can’t live without. It’s a literal mind dump of everything that pops up. I then strike through items as I complete them or later transfer them into another system (calendar or simple task manager).

It’s not sophisticated or aesthetic, but it works. And the physical act of writing things down has the added benefit of enhancing my memory without me having to hold everything in my memory.

I’ve also found that hand-written journaling has been immensely helpful for clarity, stress relief, and nervous system regulation, which leads me to my last item:

4. Nervous System Work

Talking about calming the nervous system feels like a bit of a social media trend these days, but as someone who spent dedicated time working on this over the past year, I can attest to its real value.

As I’ve faced almost debilitating anxiety, stress, and uncertainty, the ways these things manifested physically were the worst. My body felt like it was constantly vibrating. My stomach was upset and I could hardly eat. I lost scary amounts of weight. I had numbness in my hands from tense shoulders. I wanted to leap outside of my body, it all felt so awful.

I knew that I had to get these physical symptoms in check in order to continue facing what was in front of me. The obstacles aren’t going away, but I can only deal with them if I’m not also battling my own survival instincts.

I won’t go into too much detail on everything I did here, but I will share that my favorite resource for this work has been Sukie Baxter. She’s been doing this work for years and her lessons and exercises have made me feel like myself again. She offers a number of free videos on her YouTube channel (this is a great one to start with), as well as some paid programs if you feel you need to go further.

I almost cried with relief when, after several months of intensive work, I realized during some tough moments that most of the terrible physical symptoms were no longer there. I could face what was happening with clarity and certainty.

And on the topic of writing by hand: this is one of the nervous system practices I now do regularly, even though I don’t tend to be a big journaler. Here is the exercise: write nonstop, by hand, for at least 15-20 minutes, about whatever is worrying you, whatever’s on your mind (consider starting with: “I’m worried that…” or “I’m upset about…” or something similar).

Keep going, even if you ramble. Let out your deepest fears, the worst parts of yourself, everything you’re feeling. And then—this is important—destroy it. Shred it, burn it (safely), whatever. Writing it by hand and then destroying it is a physical nervous system release, and getting it out of your head is a mental release (to help you stop ruminating).

What’s Saving You?

These are just a few things that got me through this past year and that I’m counting on to see me through 2025. I’d love to know what’s keeping you afloat right now.

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